Archive for February, 2009

Video games and the apocalypse.

Posted in advice, opinions with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 28, 2009 by Digger (Not Phelps)

I’m not sure what show this is. I think maybe it’s that Hardball show or something else on MSNBC. Definitely not Keith Olbermann’s show, though. He would never be a part of such an important discussion, or anything cool or awesome in general. Unless you consider unspeakable acts with animals cool or awesome. No, really, did you hear about him and O’Reilly and that emu? What sick world do we live in where those two are still employed after that?

Anyway, a question was posed on this (I assume) well-respected news program that I wish had been asked here:

“Are violent video games adequately preparing our children for the Apocalypse?”

It’s no secret that I’m interested in all things apocalyptic. Hell, I’m currently preparing to shoot a documentary about it this summer. We’re going to spend a month or so following a soldier entrenched in the post-CW (Cyborg War) American rebuilding effort. Trying to tell his side of the story, you know? We’ll simultaneously have another crew investigating whether the reports that earth is dying and a parallel world is emerging in its place are true. Should be pretty enlightening.

Anyway, here’s the aforementioned discussion (click vid to play):

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more about “The Onion: Are Violent Video Games Ad…“, posted with vodpod

A few quick thoughts. Last year, Black Santa, Lanky, and John bought a PS3 and a game called “Resistance: Fall of Man”, which falls into the category of games under discussion here. It’s pretty sick. But just playing that one game will NOT prepare kids for the apocalypse. Because we don’t know exactly in what form it will come. R:FOM will prepare kids to fight in an alternate history that saw Cold War soldiers infected with the monstrous Chimera virus, but it won’t teach them how to deal with, say, cyborgs.

Kids are going to have to immerse themselves in a wide array of apocalyptic video games in order to be fully prepared for any situation. But their preparatory media immersion shouldn’t stop there. They’re going to have to read Max Brooks’ Zombie Survival Guide, as well as World War Z (Ed. Note: One of the most badass books I’ve ever read), his oral history of the last Zombie War, to ensure we don’t repeat certain mistakes.

Musically, I’d advise heavy doses of Coheed & Cambria in case we find ourselves in an intergalactic war-type situation. And there are a wide array of films to be examined. Reign of Fire for fighting dragons. Mad Max for Australian highway gangs. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome for Tina Turner and Thunderdome-type scenarios.

My main point is that kids need to apply themselves broadly, not just to one specific game or to some World of Warcraft nonsense that won’t prepare them for anything relevant.



Hussein in the membrane.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on February 27, 2009 by Digger (Not Phelps)


I’ve read that article twice now, and I just can’t figure out where this guy went wrong. I mean, he explicitly marked the envelope “Barack Obama”. How did this fail?

By the way, this dude’s last name is Hussein, right? And Barack’s middle name is Hussein, right? This seems important. But it’s probably not. But it could be. That’s all.


Wiping your ass kills the earth. True story.

Posted in advice with tags , , , , , , , on February 27, 2009 by Digger (Not Phelps)

Today I’ve got a questions for you. It’s multiple choice.

Which of the following is the biggest threat to our planet’s environmental well-being?

A. My Lamborghini Murcielago (12 cyl, 8 mpg, sick wit it)

B. My 75,000 square-foot estate.

C. You using Charmin Ultra to pick out your dingle-berries.

Answer: C.

So next time you pop a squat, ask yourself if cleaning up is really worth that Virgin Rainforest that will die in the process.

You decide.


Old Band Video

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on February 26, 2009 by Digger (Not Phelps)


Is it true that you were in a band in college? Is there any video evidence???

-Marissa, L.A.

Using the most liberal definition of the term “band”, it’s true. I can’t believe I’m posting this, but, yeah, here’s a couple videos of “us” performing.

Not exactly Vampire Weekend, I know, but we had our moments.


Hitting Women

Posted in advice, opinions with tags , , , , , on February 25, 2009 by Digger (Not Phelps)


I heard that Chris Brown and Rihanna might get back together. Go figure. But it got me thinking, is it EVER okay to hit a woman?

-Rick, CH

Of course there are times when it’s okay to hit a woman! Are you kidding me? Here’s just a partial list of instances when it’s perfectly acceptable:

1. You find out she’s a Russian spy.

Okay, actually, that’s all I got.


Perfectly acceptable for hitting.

Perfectly acceptable for hitting.

Louis CK = Spot-on

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on February 24, 2009 by Digger (Not Phelps)

A perfect 4 minutes of TV from Louis CK and Conan. Take notes, kids. Take notes.


Giant Snail vs Traffic

Posted in opinions with tags , , , , on February 23, 2009 by Digger (Not Phelps)


What would you do in this situation?


Easy. Run that dude over and continue on my way. NatPort don’t like me being late.